Lust in the trenches

The latest salvos from the culture war: Macho men versus 'sex-crazed gay males'? Homosexual family values?

Don't ask, don't tell, and don't make films. Photograph: Diane Bondareff/AP

The overturning of the US military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy was always going to be fought tooth and nail in socially conservative circles – and the Traditional Values Coalition is eager to make its views known on the policy implications of unbridled gay lust.

Andrea Lafferty, the coalition's executive director, has a fundraising letter for supporters that manages to include every cliche on the subject.

Lafferty had the pleasure – well, extreme displeasure – of attending the recent armed forces committee hearing on the future of DADT in the Military Readiness Enhancement act – or the "Legalisation of Sodomy on the Battlefield and Barracks act" as she so wittily dubs it:

"When I was sitting in that hearing room listening to ... pompous liberals blather on about the importance of gays and lesbians serving openly in the military, I felt sick to my stomach. But, I was also filled with anger that some members of Congress would be so willing to undermine our military in order to cater to a small minority of individuals who love to engage in bizarre sex acts."

We don't win wars or uphold the morale of our military by surrendering to individuals who lust after same-sex partners."

Would it do any good here to quote Barry Goldwater's old line that you "don't have to be straight to shoot straight"? Probably not.

"I can foresee rampant violence in the military if macho men must share shower facilities, bunk beds in a submarine or fox holes with sex-crazed gay males."

Wouldn't that be appalling? Fortunately, some conservative politicians in Florida have the answer: ignore the gays and they might go away.

Florida's state legislature has a bill giving tax breaks to those wanting to shoot films in the Sunshine State. But imagine if some of those films receiving tax breaks included "nontraditional family values" in them? And just what are "nontraditional family values" anyway? Ones that post-date the year 1805, perhaps?

For some reason a lot of Florida's politicians aren't willing to define what those values are. Luckily the Florida Family Policy Council is on hand to explain to the Palm Beach Post that nontraditional family values includes anything from "drug abuse to excessive drunkenness to homosexual families." Because, obviously, those three things are so similar.