In Pictures: The Lindsay Lohan Sex Film Has Golf Nuts (NSFW)

THANKS to Linda Lovelace, the Lindsay Lohan sex film will be shown in all major cinemas across the land. No need to rummage about in your tissues like Kendra Wilkinson, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. Sash Grey eat your heart and **** out. Porn has gone mainstream; sex is the vehicle; and Lohan’s driving the clown car.

“Fire crotch” is in Inferno.

Lindsay Lohan 6126

The film will be just great, archive footage of actual oral sex and full penetrative intercourse interspersed with topical dialogue about women’s rights, potted plants and people playing badminton in a nude caravan sight.

Lindsay Lohan For Tyler Shields (NSFW)

It cannot fail. Just get a load of that poster. The Linda Lovelace biopic is for now just a poster. But one day there will be a film, just as one day there will be a films made of lots of other posters, such as these or those.

Lindsay Lohan For Purple (NSFW)

In the poster, Lohan is seen sucking on her hands. In the 1970s, when Lovelace made Deep Throat, the Richard Nixon biopic, sucking on fingers and hands was considered outrageous. Lohan captures the zetrigeist in one move.

In another move, she might capture a golf ball between her thighs. But let’s not spoil the plot…

Action!