Thursday, April 29, 2010

A pill that makes sex last longer? No! No! No! Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1269570/A-pill-makes-sex-longer-No-No-No.html?ito

The first drug to give men more staying power in the bedroom went on sale this week and you can already hear the deafening roar of cheers as men prepare to spend longer between the sheets.

The new pill Priligy may well have the same potential to change men's sex lives as Viagra did. Premature ejaculation affects one in three men at some stage in their lives.

Maker Johnson & Johnson promises it can increase staying power threefold. Available on the internet at £76 for a pack of three, it sounds like manna from heaven.

All night long? No thanks: Many women are too busy for marathon sex sessions

All night long? No thanks: Many women are too busy for marathon sex sessions

Unsurprisingly, men up are whooping with joy. But if you expect women to be yelling 'Yes, yes, yes!', you'd be wrong.

I am in no doubt that up and down the country women are secretly groaning in dismay as they brace themselves for the one thing they don't want - more sex.

It's almost a crime to admit that we don't want endless sex every hour of the day and night. We're all conditioned to think that the best kind of sex is long and lingering.

Men are encouraged to believe that unless they can enjoy endless feats of love-making they aren't real men.

Women are shy of admitting that short sex sessions actually suit them, because they fear it means they have a low sex drive. But the truth is that quick sex sessions aren't always a curse. For a great many women they are actually a blessing.

The last thing they'll be racing to embrace is a pill to slow things down. Of course, as a psychologist and life coach, I am acutely aware that premature ejaculation can be a very real and distressing problem for couples.

It can leave men feeling inadequate and women unsatisfied. However, there are also a great many women who have very good reasons for being happy when sex is over quickly. They might want different sex. They might want less sex. But they definitely don't want the same sex to last longer all the time.

My client Janey, for example, enjoys sex. But with a hectic career as a designer and two children under five, it's not top of her priorities. Sleep beats it most nights.

She and Rob, both 30, have been married for six years. In their honeymoon period, they happily spent entire days in bed. Now, she is thrilled that Rob is - as she put is - 'quick off the mark'.

The last thing Janey wants is the pressure of having to devote hours of her precious time to making love.

At this stage in their relationship, Rob's speed suits them both. 'We love each other, but we don't need to spend hours making love to prove it,' she says. 'I'd hate Rob to feel inadequate just because he's fast. For me, it's an advantage.'

Then there's Sally, a 47-year-old teacher. Her husband, Henry, has suffered intermittently from premature ejaculation for years. They both accepted it as a byproduct of his hi

ghly stressed career as a managing director.

And when the couple had time, Henry compensated with foreplay, which left Sally happy.

But now that Sally has become peri-menopausal, her libido has started slumping. Quick sex with no pressure on her is perfect.

'It's a relief for both of us,' she says. 'The idea that only long sex is good sex is rubbish.'

My friend Marianne couldn't agree more. Her husband suffered from the reverse problem - delayed ejaculation. Although she never dared admit it to him, lovemaking was often stressful and exhausting.

The couple divorced five years ago and now Marianne, 45, has a new partner. To her delight, interminable sex sessions are a thing of the past.

'He's a wonderful lover - fast and furious,' she told me breathlessly. 'I didn't know I could enjoy sex until now.'

Her lover's technique might not suit every woman. But for Marianne, it's perfect.

Then there's Jill, a 35-year-old dance instructor. Her boyfriend doesn't have staying power. But it's not a problem as he compensates with imaginative foreplay, which leaves Jill happy.

'Like most women, my sex drive ebbs and flows depending on what's going in my life,' she says. 'If I'm tired or stressed, the last thing I want is to have to perform for hours in bed.

'So Steve's speed is perfect. We can have long sessions when I'm in the mood and other times he's satisfied very quickly.'

And that's the whole point. Love-making is as varied as the people who make love.

Different styles of sex suit different people and even suit different times in our lives.

Encouraging men to believe that they are good lovers only if they can last a set length of time is ridiculous. It's also potentially very damaging.

We therapists are always advising couples to communicate their needs and be open about their problems. But, as we all know, that's much easier said than done.

Many women become completely tongue-tied when they try to talk about sex. And, of course, if your partner suffers from premature ejaculation, talking about the problem might simply compound it.

Instead, most women have happily reassured their husbands that it doesn't matter. They've found ways to work around it.

And that's why I know that while many women will be too shy to admit it - short sex sessions are far from all bad.

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