Look Better Naked: What a Fake Tan Can Do For Nudity

Types of Nudity it's Best For: Sex, complete nudity, bathing suit season, anytime you need to look toned (which is every second of the day?).
Treatment/Venue: Air Bronze @ Paul Labrecque Salon and Spa
Nude Booster: I used to think my boobs got a lot bigger during the summer time until I realized it was just my new boob job—just kidding. It was the shading of my cleavage brought about by my accidental sun exposure and a bottle of tanning lotion. Not only does a tan make your boobs perkier, but a carefully placed bronze color can diminish the look of cheek (butt) dimples, veins, uneven skin and even emphasize muscle tone and contour. "Why do you think bodybuilders tan so often? It’s to accentuate their muscles."

Procedure Perks: You’re always told to exfoliate before you try a spray tan, but how often do you, really? Here you get to know your Air Bronze technician pretty well during a naked table exfoliation. It’s completely key since I always forget to give myself a decent scrubbing prior to a big spray. The Paul Labrecque Salon & Spa is conveniently situated in the Reebok Sports Club on the Upper West Side and I say convenient because you can go straight from your workout to a massage or luxurious hair blow-out or a nice muscle defining Air Bronze Spray Tan.

Steps Get naked. Sorry, but it’s the best way. You can also wear a bathing suit, but I opted for a flimsy paper thong because I happen to like fake tan lines (really, I just didn’t want to bare it all in front of someone I just met without downing a few cocktails). You’ll hop onto a bed and get a soapy scrub-down from the technician and then be led into the shower room to rinse off. Once you’re properly washed and dried you’ll slip into a new paper thong and pose like a gingerbread man. Your technician will put a paper mask on your face and some barrier cream on those extra rough spots. Then she’ll spray you down, neck to toe. She’ll ask you how dark you’d like to be and though you’d like to say “just a light tan” I’d advise you to go a hint darker. She’ll contour your abs, chest and legs to your liking without looking as if you’ve been painting yourself. Then you’ll take off the mask and get a good face spray while holding your breath. After she finishes with your naked body, which now looks much better nude than it did when you started, you’ll stand around nude in your little private room for a good 10 minutes more while you dry in front of some fans (electronic, not admirers).

Technician: I had the pleasure of standing nude before the lovely Daisy Schwartzberg who gave me helpful hints for extending my tan (moisturize before and after you shower, take quick showers, use a lotion with a little self tanner in it, L’Oreal tanning products are great drugstore finds). Try to book with her because she makes you feel pretty great about your body without making you feel creeped out.

Price: $95, with Exfoliation $140

Price of Sanity: It’s a little nerve-racking to be standing nude for such a long time. Reading magazines while standing up. Also, the entire process takes longer than 45 minutes, so if you’re placing this between some other important things on your to-do list, you might pull out your hair for playing the waiting game. Take a Valium with you if this is the case.

Price of Dignity: Paper. Thong. You do the math.