ONE of the battles single women have to fight is the struggle with sex, and what role it will play, especially if coupling up is something they don't want, ever, or something they're not quite ready for. It's an issue for the woman who is single and Christian, where religion dictates that she remain sex free until marriage; for the woman who is single and not a Christian, but who believes in sex only in a committed relationship; and for the woman who is single, has no moral hang-ups about sex, but doesn't want to sleep around.
How do they deal with sex and being single?
Sex is such a common feature in movies, music videos and books today that not getting some form of 'action', forces abstainers to come across as an oddity.
This is the case for 39-year-old Andrea Johnson, who has not been with another man since separating from her husband in 2005. She yearns to experience that union between herself and another man again, but the conservative churchgoer has vowed never to engage in the act until she remarries.
"The Bible says that you should not commit adultery and fornication and sex out of marriage is wrong," she said. "So I have been living for four years without sex."
Her decision to abstain has been far from easy. "It is very difficult because your nature at times wants to take its course," she said, adding that she keeps herself busy so that she is not tempted.
But while Johnson's religious belief has been the primary reason for her decision, 21-year-old Natalee D has no such reservations about having sex with a guy outside of marriage, even though she is yet to experience that union between herself and another man.
The university student said her decision stems from a genuine need to hook up with someone who appreciates more than the physical aspect of her.
"It's not that I wouldn't do it, but it has to be with the right person. When I meet the right person, then I would actually give it up," she said. "You can't just give away something that's sacred to you just like that, it has to be with somebody that you care about in the end," she added.
For psychologist Dr Leachim Semaj, these women are making one of the best decisions ever.
"In the short term, there are a lot of positives to gain," he said. "Nobody can call their name, they are not in any mix-up and they don't get in all the emotional drama associated with the whole casual relationship scene. And clearly, they will be getting no sexually transmitted diseases."
He believes sex is a by-product of a positive and loving relationship although many have come to view it as something as common as breathing or having a drink.
"Once you separate sex like that, you now degrade it from what could possibly be the most powerful form of communication between two human beings," he said.
Given the current state of the Jamaican dating landscape where casual sex and not a relationship with substance is the order of the day, the psychologist said those who engage in casual flings usually live to regret it.
"People talk about sex as if it is an all powerful entity, but for many women what they end up getting out of it is a waste of their time," he said matter-of-factly.
While there is no doubt in her mind that her decision to abstain until marriage is best, Johnson yearns for the pleasure the act used to illicit in her when she was legal to enjoy it.
"Sex is the greatest thing on earth, it is not dirty," she said, before stating, "But you can't just get up and have sex just like that."
Twenty-two-year-old Anika Bell has no doubt that sex can be surreal if shared with the right person. But being a devout Christian, she has vowed that she will never give herself to anyone, besides her husband whom she is yet to meet.
"I don't put myself in a position to actually do it. There has been times when I came close, but I actually came to my senses," she said.
But what about the urges? This is the question that is often uppermost on the minds of those who have no sexual hang-ups. It is certainly a question Johnson has heard on many occasions and she is the first to admit that they do exist.
"I have good church friends and when the urges come upon me I call them and we chat and have a good laugh about it," she said.
Dr Semaj said these urges to engage in sex are but temporary and can be controlled. "We as human beings; we are not so deprived that sexual urges are so powerful that they would cause you to do all sorts of irrational things. A lot of our sexual responses are learnt," he said.
He further added that getting involved in other activities usually causes one to forget about these urges.
"Whether it is your schoolwork, whether it is your occupation, whether it is your profession, whether it is your own personal training, whatever it is, there are many other ways that you can use that urge and turn it into something creative," he said.
No comments:
Post a Comment