Brigitte Bardot: The Sexiest of All Sex Symbols

"FAME BROUGHT me so much unhappiness!"
That was Brigitte Bardot, years after she retired at the age of 39, mulling her experiences as one of the world's great symbols. (She had allegedly attempted suicide at the age of 25.)

After Bardot left films, she devoted herself to animal causes. More recently, and less pleasantly, she has become politically conservative, raving against Muslims and others. This latter image, of an angry Bardot, who eschewed plastic surgery and looks like a woman of 78, isn't the way movie fans wish to remember her.

Those who want to recall B.B. in her prime should take in the coming tribute to the star at The French Institute Alliance Francaise. The new Cinema Tuesdays series -- at Florence Gould Hall on E. 59th Street -- spotlights a number of Bardot's most famous films, including (but of course!) Roger Vadim's And God Created Woman ... Jean-Luc Godard's Contempt and Rene Clair's The Grand Maneuver. (This last is a comedy, shot in 1955, one year before Bardot conquered the world with the image Vadim created for her. She is startlingly fresh and charming.)

This happens in conjunction with a photo exhibit, "BB Forever" at the Sofitel Hotel in NYC. The film series runs December 4-18, the exhibit will be on display till the 20th.

Whatever one thinks of her politics now, Bardot was a smart cookie, despite her sufferings during her halcyon days. She resisted all attempts to bring her to the United States and to sign with a major American studio. She knew her fame extended far beyond France and did not see the need to leave her country and become even more famous, more beleaguered.

• AFTER HER retirement, in the early 1970s Bardot commented that had she continued in films or had allowed herself to be tempted to America, she felt sure she would have ended up like Marilyn Monroe. (Monroe and Bardot met once, in England, in 1956, at a film gala. Monroe was at her peak, Bardot just beginning. They ran into each other in the ladies room. B.B. recalls M.M. as "very beautiful, as charming as could be.") 
• Bardot, like Kim Novak, was one of the few who got out while the getting was good. She had one child, whom she rarely saw. Wisely, she knew, "I was a child myself. I couldn't bring up a child properly." The boy lived with his father, Jacques Charrier. After three unsuccessful marriages (the first to her Pygmalion, Vadim) Bardot seems content with industrialist Bernard d'Ormale, who allows her passion for animals and shares her far-right political views. 
• Brigitte was probably the sexiest of all the sex symbols -- she didn't tease, she wasn't a cartoon or a caricature of femininity. She pouted, sure. But she delivered what her pout promised.
  My personal favorite photo of B.B. is her sitting, relaxed, in a go-cart. Some wise-cracker has provided a balloon over her disgusted face, saying "Show business!"
  
  I'm a little late with this, but I had one of the best Thanksgiving holidays ever -- over five days I had dinner at Mr. K's in a private Chinese room above Lexington Avenue in the '60s... the morning of the Thanksgiving Day Parade I saw lots of TV... turkey and trimmings at John Studzinski's lovely apartment above the MOMA skyline... the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall... Lunch in the private Charlie Chaplin room at Circo hosted by Michael and Heidi Greene of Redding, Connecticut and with the restaurant's Bruno in attendance... Lincoln, the movie in the afternoon ...the new musical version of Annie with its magical book and music by Martin Charnin and Charles Strouse and Thomas Meehan... supper at Orso's on West 46th street with every seat taken and my pet two-times Oscar-winner Jessica Lange, just one celebrity in the crowd... lunch at the amazing Fishtale in the 60's off Park with calamari pizza... Anna Karenina, the Tolstoy masterpiece with the beautiful Keira Knightley as Anna, reinterpreting Greta Garbo and Vivien Leigh on the big screen... Lifetime's self-interrupting Liz & Dick, which wasn't enough of anything to be a downer after all of that... finally, seeing Tommy Tune sing and dance on a tiny stage at Feinsteins at the Regency. Tommy is a "Living Landmark" and I sat with two other LL's for the show -- Louise and Lewis Cullman. Prof. Iris of the archaeology Loves took our pictures on her iPhone.
  
  AS USUAL, I find myself over-indulged, over-fed, over-sated, over-whelmed and I can never be over-thankful enough for the blessings of New York City.Plus all this, you can read me writing about Mayor Michael Bloomberg in the current Quest magazine which is a 25th anniversary experience with marvelous photos throughout the magazine.
  
  ALL KINDS of anniversaries seem to be overtaking us. But one of the most interesting to meis La Grenouille restaurant's 50th celebration on Monday night at the world-famous place whereit all was started by a handsome man named Charles Masson. M. Masson had the magic touch for elegance and he gave New York a place that was more beautiful and French than France itself. His son Charles has carried on brilliantly and that will all be celebrated at East 52 Street off 5th Avenue on Dec. 3 from 5-8, by invitation. La Grenouille is in a class by itself, the last of the best descending from the Henri Soule inheritance that began in New York after the 1964 World's Fair drew the world's attention to fine dining. 'Tis said La Grenouille (the frog) spends $250,000 annually on flowers alone and M. Charles re-works these day after day and keeps his place ever-green. In the years when Women's Wear Daily's John Fairchild was a bigger "king" than even the frog itself, this restaurant drew world fashion attention. It was also where Ivana Trump emerged from an all-girls luncheon during the early days of her severance from The Donald, to be besieged with reporters and paparazzi in a scene like Days of the Locus in Hollywood. La Grenouille has made its mark while keeping its elegance and cool
  
  But Monday is not all. On Tuesday, the "Living Landmark" decorator  Bunny Williams and Mr. John Rosselli invite the elite to come view Charles Masson's beautiful paintings at their Treillage emporium, 418 East 75 Street, 6 to 8. These paintings are a real treat.        
  
  CONGRATULATIONS TO LA GRENOUILLE ON BEING 50. Remember, after the Middle Ages comes the Renaissance!

Facebook Must Remove Page Outing Sex Offenders, Says UK Judge

According to a UK High Court, Facebook is not allowed to host a page that publicly outs convicted sex offenders.

A Judge has given Facebook 72 hours to remove a page called Keeping our kids safe from predators, which routinely posts personal information and photos of child predators in Northern Ireland.

The decree stems from a suit brought by a convicted sex offender, only referred to as “XY.” XY claims that the Facebook page amounts to harassment, misuse of private info, and a violation of his privacy. He fears that he may be attacked or otherwise publicly degraded as a result of the page. Facebook has apparently already removed any mention of XY on the page, but the court’s ruling demands that Facebook take an extra step and nix the page altogether.

“Society has dealt with the plaintiff in accordance with the rule of law. He has been punished by incarceration and he is subject to substantial daily restrictions on his lifestyle,” said the Judge.

The page owners have acknowledged the ruling, and are already suggesting alternative pages for pedophile tracking and claim to be in the process of setting up an alternate page in the event of the current page’s removal:

“Hi all, Un fortunately this page may be removed any time soon. On this other facebook page you can see daily paedophile crimes listed. So far over 17,000 UK paedophiles have been named on the website, and a few from each days court cases are posted on to the page below

The next page will be called “keeping our kids safe from predators 2″ and it will b coming from america at least there they wont take the page down so every1 keep and eye out 4 it,” they say.

“So the man, or I mean mess of a human being, that’s taken this page to court, he must want to be the head paedophile and rule over all sex offenders. He will be like a god to them.”

Facebook policy bans any convicted sex offender from operating an account, but this ruling takes a look at the flip side and looks to protect them from additional punishment via the actions of other Facebook users. What do you think? Should Facebook be forced to remove the page?

UFC's Ronda Rousey tries 'to have as much sex as possible

UFC's Ronda Rousey tries 'to have as much sex as possible' before her MMA fights
Ronda Rousey smiles during her weigh-in in Columbus, Ohio March 2, 2012. A judo bronze medallist at the 2008 Olympics, Rousey became the new face of women's MMA after ripping the bantamweight titlePicture taken March 2, 2012. from Miesha Tate's grasp in March.

TORONTO — (Rowdy) Ronda Rousey, the first woman signed to the UFC, says sex — and plenty of it — is on her things to do list before she fights.

"For girls, it raises your testosterone so I try to have as much sex as possible before I fight actually," Rousey said on the "Jim Rome on Showtime" show Wednesday night.

"Not with like everybody," she added with a laugh."I don't put out Craigslist ads or anything. But if I've got a steady I'm going to be like 'Yo, fight time's coming up."'

The mixed martial arts star was responding to a question about what how some boxers abstain from sex before fights.

The 25-year-old American, an Olympic bronze medallist in judo, is 6-0 in MMA with every fight ending in the first round via an armbar submission.

She won the Strikeforce 135-pound title but recently signed with the UFC and will help introduce a women's division to the promotion.

The sex query was part of a 10-question format on the show. One of the other questions was "Ever been in a fight with a guy?"

"Yes. I got in a fight with a couple of guys at the end of 2007 in a movie theatre," said Rousey. "It was four couples, so four guys and one girl tried to get into it. And I had two friends with me. But I was only really handling two guys by myself.

"They sued me for assault because it didn't really go too well for them. I guess if you lose a fight in Santa Monica the next option is to sue. Everyone in the theatre was cheering for me. I was thinking I might have a future in this. It was before the whole MMA thing."

Sex won't bring on labour - study

.Tan said the results show that pregnancy evolved to be resistant to disruption.

There is a widespread belief that sex during the later stages of pregnancy can jumpstart labour, but that doesn't appear to be so - at least according to a study from Malaysia. 

The researchers, whose work appeared in BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, found that there were no differences in the timing of delivery between women who had sex near term and those who abstained. 

“We are a little disappointed,” said Tan Peng Chiong, an obstetrics and gynaecology professor at the University of Malaya and one of the authors of the study. 

“It would have been nice for couples to have something safe, effective and perhaps even fun that they could use themselves to help go into labour a little earlier if (they) wanted.” 

Tan said that many women believe intercourse can induce labour, and scientists have proposed plausible biological explanations for why it might help. 

For one, semen contains a hormone like substance called prostaglandin, which is used in synthetic form to induce labour. Breast stimulation is also thought to hasten labour and orgasm can trigger uterine contractions.

“Labour induction for prolonged pregnancy is common and many women are also tempted for a variety of personal reasons to trigger labour in the very later stages of pregnancy,” Tan said. 

The researchers invited more than 1,100 women to participate, all of whom were 35 to 38 weeks pregnant and none of whom had had sex in the previous six weeks. 

Roughly half of the women were advised by a physician to have sex frequently as a means of safely expediting labour. The other half were told that sex was safe during pregnancy, but that its effects on labour were unknown. 

The researchers then tracked the women to determine how long their pregnancies lasted and whether they required any medical intervention to start labour. 

They found that about 85 percent of the women who were encouraged to have sex did follow the doctor's advice, while 80 percent of women in the other group also had sex. 

Women in the group advised to have sex also had it more frequently for the remaining duration of their pregnancies - three times versus two. 

But the rates of induced labour were similar in both groups: 22 percent of those advised to have sex and 20.8 percent of the other group, a difference so small it is likely to have been driven by chance. 

Earlier research relied primarily on surveys of women about their sexual experiences during pregnancy, but this study was “the first attempt to really randomise the experience, for some to have sex and some to not, which is a very hard thing to do,” said Jonathan Schaffir, an associate professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at the Ohio State University College of Medicine. 

“Even though this study did not show any increase in the rate of labour or a decrease in the rate of induction, it helped to cement the idea that having sex is probably safe if you want it,” he told Reuters Health. 

Tan said the results show that pregnancy evolved to be resistant to disruption. 

“Human pregnancy has to be robust to a little adventure like intercourse and unfortunately for our purpose, it seems pretty robust to the very end,” he said.

U.S. Supreme Court looks at whether to take up same-sex marriage

 

The U.S. Supreme Court this month will begin considering several cases involving same-sex marriage, including one testing the constitutionality of California's Proposition 8, which says "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." Above, Frank Capley-Alfano and Joe Capley-Alfano celebrate outside of San Francisco City Hall in February after a federal appeals court blocked the law. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

The U.S. Supreme Court this month will begin considering several cases involving same-sex marriage, including one testing the constitutionality of California's Proposition 8, which says "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." Above, Frank Capley-Alfano and Joe Capley-Alfano celebrate outside of San Francisco City Hall in February after a federal appeals court blocked the law. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

Washington Gov. Chris Gregoire celebrates after signing marriage equality legislation into law earlier this year. Voters there approved same-sex marriage on Election Day. (Photo by Stephen Brashear/Getty Images)

In 2010, television reporter Roby Chavez, right, shares a moment with gay rights activist Frank Kameny during Chavez' and Chris Roe's wedding ceremony in the nation's capital. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

The U.S. Supreme Court this month will begin considering several cases involving same-sex marriage, including one testing the constitutionality of California's Proposition 8, which says "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." Above, Frank Capley-Alfano and Joe Capley-Alfano celebrate outside of San Francisco City Hall in February after a federal appeals court blocked the law.

(CNN) -- Edith "Edie" Windsor lost her spouse in 2009, her grief compounded by an estate tax bill much larger than other married couples would have to pay.

Because her decades-long partner was also a woman, the federal government in legal terms did not recognize the same-sex marriage, even though their home state of New York did.

"I was devastated by the loss of the great love of my life, and I was also very sick, then had to deal with pulling together enough money to pay for the taxes," Windsor, 83, told CNN. "And it was deeply upsetting."

That fundamental unfairness as Windsor and her supporters see it, is at the center of legal fight now awaiting action at the U.S. Supreme Court.

The justices will meet privately Friday for a closed-door conference to decide if they will accept any of 10 pending appeals, essentially over whether a fundamental constitutional right for gays and lesbians to marry exists.

If they agree to hear the issue, oral arguments would be likely be held in March with a ruling by late June.

The political, social, and legal stakes of this long-simmering debate will once again put the high court at the center of national attention, a contentious encore to their summer ruling upholding the massive health care reform law championed by President Barack Obama.

Earlier this month, voters in Maryland, Washington, and Maine approved same-sex marriage, adding to the six states and the District of Columbia that already have done so. Minnesota voters also rejected an effort to ban such unions through a constitutional amendment.

Is there a national consensus?

As more states legalize same-sex marriage, one of the key questions the justices may be forced to address is whether a national consensus now exists supporting the idea of expanding an "equal protection" right of marriage to homosexuals.

Three separate issues confront the justices, who are likely to only accept only one for review in coming months. These include federal benefits, state benefits and state referendums.

The Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, is a 1996 congressional law that says for federal purposes, marriage is defined as only between one man and one woman. That means federal tax, Social Security, pension, and bankruptcy benefits, and family medical leave protections -- do not apply to gay and lesbian couples, such as Windsor and her late partner Thea Spyer.

This appeal from Arizona asks whether a state that prohibits same-sex marriage may also deny same-sex couples marital benefits if one of the partners is a state employee, when other state workers in opposite-sex marriages enjoy government benefits.

On referendums, the California high court had earlier concluded same-sex marriage was legal, but the 2008 voter-approved Proposition 8 abolished it. If the high court accepts this appeal, it would likely not decide whether same-sex marriage is a constitutional right, but only whether a state can revoke that right through referendum once it has already been recognized.

"The justices are almost certainly going to take up the question of the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act," said Thomas Goldstein, publisher of SCOTUSblog.com and a top Washington attorney. "The real question is whether they'll step into California's Prop 8 and the ruling there that California discriminated unconstitutionally when it granted a right to same sex-marriage and then took it away. It's a tossup on whether they'll hear that case."

Who will represent U.S. in any court case

Complicating matters is just who will defend the DOMA law before the justices. Traditionally that role would fall to the Justice Department's Solicitor General office. But Obama, in an election-year stunner, said in May he supports same-sex marriages. The president had already ordered Attorney General Eric Holder not to defend the federal law in court.

That left House Republicans, led by Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, to step in after the Justice Department refused to participate. They have hired top Washington attorney Paul Clement-- himself a former solicitor general-- to make the arguments to keep the law in place, at least until lawmakers decide otherwise.

Clement said a congressionally mandated, uniform standard to define marriage for federal purposes is both proper and practical, since different states have different laws defining the limits of marriage.

"DOMA does not bar or invalidate any marriages but leaves states free to decide whether they will recognize same-sex marriage," Clement told the court in a legal brief. "Rather, DOMA merely reaffirmed and codified the traditional definition of marriage: what Congress itself has always meant and what courts and the executive branch have always understood it to mean -- in using those words: A traditional male-female couple."

The law does not prohibit states from allowing same-sex marriages, but it also does not force states to recognize them from other states. Most of the current plaintiffs are federal workers, who are not allowed to add their spouses to health care plans, and other benefits.

Many other states, including New Jersey, Illinois, Delaware, Rhode Island and Hawaii, have legalized domestic partnerships and civil unions for such couples -- a step designed in most cases to provide the same rights of marriage under state law.

But other states have passed laws or state constitutional amendments banning such marriages. California's Prop 8 is the only such referendum that revoked the right after lawmakers and the state courts previously allowed it.

In February, a federal appeals court in San Francisco ruled the measure unconstitutional.

 

Court could offer final word

By patiently letting legislatures and the voters decide the social and practical implications of same-sex marriage over the past decade, the high court is now poised to perhaps offer the final word on the tricky constitutional questions.

The split 5-4 conservative-liberal bench has the option of ruling broadly or narrowly-- perhaps taking a series of incremental cases over a period years, building political momentum and public confidence in the process.

Edie Windsor is one of more than a dozen plaintiffs involved in the current DOMA appeals before the high court. She and Spyer, a psychologist, had been a devoted couple in New York's Greenwich Village for more than 40 years, before marrying in Canada in 2007.

New York did not allow same-sex marriages to be performed in the state when Windsor and Spyer wed, but did recognize the out-of-state license. New York's legislature last year approved same-sex marriage.

Windsor, a retired computer systems programmer, wants the $363,053 in added estate taxes she was forced to pay the IRS. She said the federal government considers her relationship with Spyer as little more than "girlfriends," something she called an "incredible indignation."

"I would like to receive my money back. New York State accepted my marriage as a marriage," she told CNN. "And I believe, and the Justice Department and the president agree with me, that the DOMA law is unconstitutional. DOMA is cruel. It discriminates against us for absolutely no value to the country. And we'd like to see that defeated altogether. I'd like other people not to go through what I went through."

Sex and Sexability

Sex and Sexability: Tips for the Literary Lover

• Every Tuesday, have sex with an elderly man with a disarmingly positive outlook on life. Address him as Morrie, no matter what his name is.

• Crash your plane in the desert. Come to know the long, burning ache of prolonged solitude. Allow -- even encourage -- a fox to die. Draw a snake. Spend three days exploring the body of a wandering naïf. Despair at your inability to communicate even the simplest of your thoughts to another living person; weep at the poverty of speech. Cover every flower you can find with glass and threaten a tiger; it's The Little Prince, and you will never again know the quiet pleasure of a loving companion. Have sex with the drawing you made of that snake earlier.

• Have sex with a lion. Have sex with a witch. Long hopelessly for a wardrobe you cannot afford at a secondhand shop. Have sex with the lion again, only this time it's not the same, not now that you know what you're missing in not being able to be with the wardrobe. The witch stops taking your calls; you hear through a mutual friend she thinks you're emotionally unstable and cold in bed. Silently agree with her.

• Sink into your most regressive self -- give in to every selfish, tribal, racist impulse that slips across the hateful, shallow transom of your mind. Have children intermittently; let them raise themselves. Push away everyone who was ever kind to you. Let nothing hold you back in your feverish quest to make money. Wear hoop skirts and call everyone "darlin'." Seduce your best friend's husband, then watch her die. Avoid introspection at all costs. Promise yourself you'll reevaluate your choices "tomorrow." When tomorrow finally comes, there is nothing left to do but die. You're Scarlett O'Hara and you're beautiful.

• Have sex with a giant bug, the biggest you can find. This works for Metamorphosis and also The Phantom Tollbooth.

• Vow to have sex every day in the coming month. Join an online forum designed for keeping you accountable for having sex at least once a day for the whole month. Update your Facebook status to reflect your commitment to daily sex-having for the entirety of the month. Ask that your friends bear with you and understand if you're unable to honor normal social commitments during this month full of sex. Buy 30 days worth of prophylactics; display them prominently on your coffee table.

• Your partner is Watson and you are Holmes. Deny all overtures for sex. Deny them repeatedly, claiming the act would only distract you. Ingest cocaine. Finally agree to have sex, but demean his intelligence both during the act and afterwards. Find more cocaine. There will never be enough cocaine to make you forget it is impossible for the two of you to ever truly connect, as he is unable to keep up with you mentally and you see no value in feeling empathy. Buy a large black dog and fake your own death, in whatever order you prefer. Decide you are only capable of feeling physical attraction to waterfalls and the sensation of awe. Become a hoarder, but only hoard greatcoats. Solve more crimes. Solve everything. Solve yourself. Disappear forever -- disappear retroactively. Never exist.

• Move to your family's Minnesota lake house. Yell at cats. Ignore all attempts at human contact. Stop yelling at the cats -- it wastes precious energy that you need to finish building your Cat Trap. It's Freedom and you're Walter. Never have sex again. Cats, cats, cats.

• Was Steel Magnolias a book? They probably had some ghostwriter churn one out after the movie did so well. Find a picture of Dolly Parton and have loud, frequent arguments with it in front of your window. Drink improbable quantities of orange juice while shaking violently. Be fragrant and willowy whenever possible, but make sure you can still be smelted using the Bessemer process. Find Tom Skeritt. Take his kidney. Have sex with him if there's time, but the kidney's the important part. Make sure you get the kidney.

• Become intimate with a piece of liver. Serve it for dinner. It is Portnoy's Complaint. Later, write a thousand novels. Set all of them in New Jersey. Announce you're retiring from intimacy with pieces of liver. You're Philip Roth and you're a genius. Assemble all the pieces of liver you've ever masturbated on or with or into and take a long, slow look at them. Get in a fight with Wikipedia somehow; you're Philip Roth and everybody else is garbage and imaginary.

• Have sex with farmers. Have sex with Alton Brown while he's filming one of his Welch's grape juice commercials. Have sex when you're angry. Have sex with Henry Fonda. It's The Grapes of Wrath and you're disgusting. Henry Fonda was an American icon and is also dead. Let him rest in peace.

Sex Surrogate Spills

Sex Surrogate Spills: I'm the Mother Theresa of Sex

Helen Hunt is generating serious Oscar buzz for her role as a sex surrogate in the new film, The Sessions. Just what is a sex surrogate, you ask? Hint: it's not a lady who carries other people's babies. They're therapists who help heal sexual dysfunction—by having sex with patients. And they're real! From 1980 to 1992, Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., now a professor of sexuality at California State-Fullerton and author of Sexual Healing, lived the movie's plot line.

As a former sex surrogate, how realistic is The Sessions?

It really took me back because I worked with people, at least one guy, who was in worse shape than the patient in the movie (who has polio.) My patient (let’s call him Andre) had a very severe case of cerebral palsy. Initially his mom came to us when he was in his late 20s. He’d been put in a home at a young age but he was very smart and went on to graduate from college. Like the character in The Sessions, Andre never had an opportunity to lost his virginity. Andre couldn’t talk; he could only sort of growl. He couldn’t couldn’t shut his mouth so he would kinda drool. He only had the voluntary use of one arm; the rest of his limbs were spasming all the time. I would have to grab his one usable hand and hold it still and rub it all over me.

So, did you help Andre?

Oh yes. Cerebral palsy is a problem with your muscles. Because your penis doesn’t have any muscles, his penis was totally normal. He had no problems with becoming hard and we accomplished losing his virginity pretty quickly. Instead, the focus was me just moving him into different positions. I literally had to psychologically brace myself to work with him and then afterward I’d just sit there and go, “My God, it was not easy.”

What motivated you to do this?

What was going through my mind was, “I’m getting paid for this!” It is a job, okay? There’s something in my personality where I don’t get grossed out with things. And I wonder, “Hmm, what can this person do?” It’s about the sexual bill of rights. Everyone has the right to have sex.

What other issues did your patients face?

There were people who never learned to have sex. Some were very old or super fat. Some had ALS, MS, paralysis. My mom told me I was the Mother Theresa of sex! I don’t recall ever telling a client “no.” The most common sexual dysfunction of men in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s is premature ejaculation. When you never have any experience, you can’t control that reflex. Patients in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, it’s about erection. There was also sexual aversion disorder, a phobia about sex due to anxiety or depression.

So, uh, how do you treat these issues specifically?

For premature ejaculation, I taught a process called peaking. You set up a scale of from one, which is no arousal, to 10, which would be releasing the hounds. I would stimulate him by hand and he’d tell me when he’d feel even a two, and I’d stop. It’s training someone to allow their arousal to have peak-like patterns. With the more psychological patients, it’s relaxation exercises—breathing techniques, muscle relaxation. We didn’t always have sex.

Was it ever pleasurable for you?

Being with somebody with a physical challenge, I have their best interest at heart. I’m not thinking about having an orgasm. But if you take a client who is good-looking and personable and might have, say, an ejaculatory issue... once I get ‘em trained, yes! Oh yes.

How lucrative was sex surrogacy?

I charged the same hourly rate as a therapist—$80 back then and I’d think the rate would be $150 now. I was going to school in a doctorate program the whole time, seeing maybe 20 clients a week, so, yeah, I was doing well. I didn’t want to have to go through a student poverty situation. Now, since the movie came out, I know some surrogates are doing package deals. But Viagra has cut into the business quite a bit! And even though everyone gets tested, patients and therapists, HIV is a concern.

If you’re being paid for sex, isn’t that prostitution?

Prostitutes have the attitude of get in, get out, get off, and pay me. We’re coaching and teaching. We want patients to feel like they’re now confident to go out and get intercourse on their own. As Helen Hunt's character in The Sessions said, “I don’t want your return business! This is a fixed time relationship.”

What does it feel like to sexually “cure” someone?

There is a sense of reward. Big time. I would say to critics—think about how you would feel if you were in their position.Where else is he going to go? Who else would do this?

What do you guys think about sex surrogates?

Sex, Politics, and the Porn Star DA

From Pericles to Petraeus, public figures have run afoul of sex. The only thing really surprising about the public reaction to the burgeoning sex scandal among top military leaders is the fact that people are surprised.
The immediate and legitimate concern about l'aiffaire Petraeus is whether any secret information has been compromised. The use of sex to obtain information is hardly limited to James Bond movies; the World War II adage that "loose lips sink ships" may have had multiple meanings.

More instructive, if vexing, is the case of the recently reelected district attorney in my home county of Cortland. On November 16 -- days after winning reelection to a second term -- DA Mark Suben held a press conference to announce that, in the 1970s, he had appeared in several pornographic films, showing him engaging in a variety of explicit sex acts. He explained his actions as the "bad judgment" of a young man and apologized both for his actions, and for lying to reporters when asked about the allegations in the days leading up to his election. His bombshell admission came as the result of a lengthy YouTube clip, posted after election day, which presented evidence of his past, and presumably posted by political opponents who had also tipped off reporters. The post includes clips from some of his dozen films, including Deep Throat Part II and The Love Witch, where he used the name Gus Thomas. (Suben's acting had not been limited to skin flicks, but included off-Broadway work, television commercials, and soap operas.) Democrat Suben noted that all this happened before he attended law school, and concluded his press conference by stating emphatically that he had no intention of resigning.

One can readily imagine how this salacious story has reverberated in our small, upstate New York county. But within hours of Suben's press conference, the story was splashed across an array of national, and even international, outlets. Why, and what does this portend for Mr. Suben and our politics?

The answer to the first is simple: people are fascinated by -- if also repelled by -- the private lives of public people, and especially when sex is involved. Given that Suben's triple-X film career occurred decades ago, was legal, and predated his legal education and practice, the public is left with a breach of manners and morality, but not of law.
This leaves two other important questions: would Suben's past somehow interfere with his ability to function as a district attorney, including prosecution of sex-related cases; and what about lying to reporters (and therefore to the public) about his past? Aside from those who cannot abide a DA who once took off his clothes and had sex in front of a camera, this is the more troublesome question.

As to the first, Suben's first term lends no support to any notion that he would somehow fail to prosecute sex-related criminal offenses. And it is important to remember that he simply had sex -- a legal, natural, and ubiquitous activity. That he did so in front of a camera is a matter of performance (even if distasteful), not perversion. The lying problem is more significant. Yet it is no surprise that Suben did what most do: lie about an embarrassing and indiscreet past. That does not make it right, but unlike Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal, Clinton's chief political mistake was lying under oath about his extramarital activities, which is what precipitated the effort to impeach him. Suben's lie was not a legal, but a political (and arguably moral) problem -- considerations magnified for a public official.

Will county citizens decide that his past, and cover-up of it, negates his legitimacy as an elected official and prosecutor, or will he be judged by his record and legal credentials, which are indeed considerable, including prosecutorial work in the Bronx and Onondaga County DA's offices. A similar paradox arose during Clinton's sex scandal and subsequent impeachment trial in 1998-99. While the public decried Clinton's extramarital affair, most also continued to support him throughout his impeachment, because they felt that his private behavior bore no relationship to his ability to carry out his duties as president. And during the recent presidential campaign, Clinton's approval rating registered 69 percent -- higher than any other Democrat, including Obama, Biden, and the First Lady.

In the case of Mr. Suben, the people of Cortland County will face similar calculations in the ever-messy business of politics.

Sex Talk

Sex Talk: Don’t be stuck with just one joke

Even when you are really good at what you do, keep a change window open to avoid becoming too predictable.

You know what predictability in the bedroom signals: boredom.

What you did and how you did it ten years ago may have set that honeymoon suite on fire back then and for the years that followed, but don’t become too comfortable with your game.

It can become like a good joke that has seen the same stage too many times. Just because they laughed till they cried when you first cracked it, don’t be too disappointed when the next time you try, they even complete the sentences for you.

Or, haven’t you encountered the toddler who, having enjoyed a game of tickle-bump-tickle with you one evening, is eager for “let’s do it again, auntie” every evening after that, not knowing that the thrill of that was for just that moment (move on already, kiddo)?

Good but unvaried lovemaking can quickly become that way too. Like a repeated meal of matooke and beef year in, year out, that soon loses its essence and specialty. Yet when you punctuate it with the occasional frittata, the matooke’s specialness goes to an even higher level.

While some people battle sexual dysfunctions, others battle this being one-sided and too predictable in bed. Not a bad thing in the sense of the word, but just dangerous to a marriage. Seek to discover new ways to you.

If the tantric sex works magic for your marriage, then good; just don’t ruin its specialness by making it the daily bread. You can punctuate things with a little spontaneity here, a quickie there, a planned make-out there.

Don’t be associated with just one way of romance. Even when there are no complaints yet, don’t give boredom a chance. Don’t allow yourself to be predictable in sex; those are the cases where one of the spouses is perplexed as to why their mate could possibly cheat yet orgasms and the pink elephants are regular visitors in their bedroom.

The answer may be standard: “It is not you hon’; it is me.”

Listen to your body more and don’t allow to be grounded in just one way, or position, of doing things. A marriage is a partnership for the long haul – well, at least it should be – so, make yours an enjoyable stay.

Just like you don’t let your dining table become associated with “the usual”, don’t let even your bed sheets know what you are about to do next. It may be time for you to reciprocate some of the special favours your wife usually does for you as a matter of duty in the bedroom.

You may consider throwing in an incentive to making love with you, by coming off your male chauvinist horse once in a while to do things like breakfast in bed for her, as opposed to it being her daily duty to make your tea and biscuits ready before work.

Wives, thank goodness there are massage parlours all over the place now. Go get some tips and come back home to participate in foreplay. You know many wives I have sounded out feel foreplay is their husbands’ thing to deliver, and theirs to consume. No. You too can bring the swagg during that part of business.

Give him a massage, challenge yourself with things that would raise his brow in pleasant surprise. It cannot be the usual wham-bang-we-are-done-where-are-the-cleaning-towels kind of sex, year in year out. Monotony and boredom will be inevitable in that case.

Allow yourselves to be more adventurous; you will glory together in whatever you pull off successfully and laugh together over memorable bedroom gaffes. Just don’t be scared to rock the boat a little. It may reignite a part of your marriage you had long written off.

10-year-old with same-sex parents finds pen pal in President Obama

When Sophia Bailey-Klugh, a 10-year-old, invited President Barack Obama to dinner, she didn't get a response.

So when he replied to her second letter–this one thanking him for his position on same-sex marriage–the girl with two fathers was really surprised.


One of Sophia's fathers, Jonathan Bailey, posted the letter to Facebook on October 28, saying Sophia penned the piece "unprompted" and it made her two fathers "so unbelievably proud."

"Dear Barack Obama," she wrote. "It's Sophia Bailey Klugh your friend who invited you to dinner. You don't remember okay that's fine. But I just wanted to tell you that I am so glad you agree that two men can love each other because I have two dad and they love each other."

From Jonathan Bailey's Facebook page Sophia, who lives with her fathers in San Diego, California, went on to write about how other students at her school say her parents' marriage is "gross and weird."

"It really hurts my heart and feelings, so I come to you because you are my hero," she wrote, asking for advice on what he would do if he were in her shoes.

"I hope you win on being the president. You would totally make the world a better place," she ended the letter. "Please tell your daughters hi for me!"

Also on the page was a drawing of her two dads kissing, with the word "love" written overhead.
A week later, Jonathan posted a letter with the president's letterhead at the top. It was dated November 1 and addressed to Sophia.

"Thank you for writing me such a thoughtful letter about your family. Reading it made me proud to be your president and even more hopeful about the future of our nation," the letter stated.

"In America, no two families look the same. We celebrate this diversity," Obama continued. "And we recognize that whether you have two dads or one mom what matters above all is the love we show one another. You are very fortunate to have two parents who care deeply for you. They are lucky to have such an exceptional daughter in you."
Shortly after North Carolina voters approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage in May, Obama announced in a televised interview that he had "evolved" in his position on the issue and believed two people of the same gender should legally be allowed to wed.

Americans have largely been divided on the issue of same-gender marriage. According to CNN Exit Polls from Election Day, 49% of Americans said they agreed that same-sex marriage should be legal in their respective state, while 46% disagreed.

Obama overwhelmingly won the support of those who identified themselves of gay, lesbian or bisexual–76% to Mitt Romney at 22%. While Romney personally opposes same-sex marriage and civil unions, he did say he supported domestic partnership rights and favored the right for a gay couple to adopt children.

In his letter, Obama suggested that Sophia remind her friends at school about the Golden Rule: "A good rule is to treat others the way you hope they will treat you."

"Thanks again for taking the time to write me," he continued. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it to dinner, but I'll be sure to tell Sasha and Malia you say hello."

When Jonathan Bailey posted the letter from the president, he also offered his own personal thanks.
"Thank you Barack Obama – you have made one 10-year old feel mighty special (and her two dads too)," he wrote in the caption of the photo.

'I'm having a sex change to look like Harry Styles'

'I'm having a sex change to look like Harry Styles': Transgender girl says 1D heartthrob is "perfect boy" 

 

Catrina Best, 20, already dresses like the popstar and often gets mistaken for him on the street with her curly dark hair, which she spends half an hour perfecting every morning

Lookalike: Catrina dresses like Harry and spends 30 minutes copying his hair

A 20-year-old student is undergoing sex-change surgery to look like her hero Harry Styles.

Catrina Best, who has been diagnosed as transgender, believes the One Direction heartthrob is the “perfect” man and hopes to look like him when she becomes a boy.

She already dresses like the popstar and often gets mistaken for him on the street with her curly dark hair, which she spends half an hour perfecting every morning.

"Perfect boy": Catrina wants to look like Harry when she has her sex swap surgery  

Speaking to Closer Magazine, Catrina said: “Harry’s the perfect boy and I think I’m a good lookalike. I love the attention I get from girls!
“People say my bone structure, eyes and lips are almost identical to Harry’s, and I’ve been asked for autographs.

“I haven’t started dating yet, but girls flirt with me and I even get chatted up by older women, like Harry does! But I want to have my op before I date.”

Feminine: Catrina knew she was different when she hated her long hair and dresses

Law-student Catrina, who already binds her 32D breasts, is saving for the surgery and plans to start taking hormones next year to trigger facial and body hair growth and deepen her voice.

Catrina, who was born in Northern Ireland but moved to Lisbon with her family aged 11, started to feel different at the age of five when she hated her long hair and begged to wear trousers instead of dresses.
When she hit puberty at 13, Catrina became even more confused about her sexuality and chose to hide her breasts in tight vests and cut her hair short, which caused her to be bullied for looking different.

She told Closer: “I didn’t fancy boys, but felt confused. At 16, I slept with a boy to try to feel ‘normal,’ but it left me numb.

“I later realised I wanted to be with girls – but as the male in a straight relationship.”

 

Catrina was relieved when she was finally diagnosed with gender identity disorder two months ago and now, as a One Direction fan, wants to look like Harry Styles when she becomes a boy.

She added: “Harry gives me the guts to be transgender. I hope he invites me to a gig one day!”

After long night, Chinese sex toys see new dawn

Sex toys in China are not hard to find. They’re sold in “adult health” shops around the country, available in hotel minibars, and even on sale by the checkout counter at some convenience stores, next to the gum and candy.

Yet this is a country where just 30 years ago public criticism erupted when a magazine published a picture of a couple kissing on its back cover.

The about face in attitudes towards sex in China, which began when the prudish Communist government launched its opening and reform drive in the late 1970s and has been catalysed by the Internet, is creating a prime business opportunity for the sex toy industry, insiders say.

The market will grow to around 40 billion yuan ($6.4 billion) by 2014 from around 10 billion yuan at the end of last year, predicts Lin Degang, chief executive of an online retailer of sex toys, www.oyeah.com.cn.
“Within five years, sex toys will be a common commodity for everyday use,” he told Reuters. “Sex toys will be a key element of a fashionable lifestyle.”

Sex toys have become so ubiquitous that various kinds of vibrators can even be bought at FamilyMart Co Ltd convenience stores throughout Shanghai. With price tags of $15 to $17, they are sold by the cashier, along with condoms.

Highlighting expectations of a strong upward trajectory in domestic sales, two private equity firms in August jointly invested 300 million yuan into Love Health Science & Technology Co Ltd, the biggest Chinese sex toy manufacturer.

Sex toys have existed in China for centuries. The concubines of Chinese emperors who failed to find sexual satisfaction often turned to them, and there were also sex toys for men, according to Peng Xiaohui, a professor of sexology at Central China Normal University, in the central city of Wuhan.

Their use was forced underground after the Communist Party took over the country in 1949 and adopted policies aimed at repressing people’s personal desires, including romance and sex, in favour of ideas of revolution and collectivism.

FORBIDDEN PUPPY LOVE
Even teenagers were officially “forbidden” to have crushes on each other.

“We can say that after 1949, Chinese society was more conservative than in ancient China,” said Peng.
Things have changed following social and economic reforms that began in the late 1970s, but many Chinese still hold conservative views towards certain elements of sex, such as homosexuality and pornography.
Pornographic websites and publications are banned, while young homosexuals often marry to conform to society.

But over the last decade, the subject has become an increasingly open topic for debate, mainly due to the Internet.

Many online communities, such as those for gays and lesbians and those seeking partner swaps, have sprung up over recent years, said Fang Gang, director of sex and gender institute at Beijing Forestry University.

The country’s state-run broadcaster has aired a programme featuring a controversial sexologist, who on the show called for the legalisation of homosexual marriages, while an annual sex fair in Guangzhou in southeastern China drew 250,000 visitors last month.

Fang said sex is far more than a physical act.

“It is a barometer of the entire society. With a more free society comes a more free attitude towards sex, and vice versa,” he added.

Lin said around 70 percent of his clients, mostly in their 20s and early 30s, were male. Most purchase items -- the favourite being a double vibrator -- for their girlfriends.

At Yamete Love Store, in a residential area of downtown Shanghai, customers can browse items ranging from inflatable dolls to sexy costumes amid low-key lighting as mellow music plays. Most of the items are imported from Japan and Sweden, and carry prices from $100 to $210.

Most shoppers, though, still seem to prefer buying online.

“I feel too embarrassed to buy any sex toys in actual stores,” said Candice Zheng, a 25-year-old office worker in Zhejiang province, south of Shanghai. “I just order them from on-line shops.”

Bad Sex in Fiction

Bad Sex in Fiction: Tom Wolfe shortlisted as JK Rowling misses out.

Tom Wolfe won the prize in 2004

 

Novelist Tom Wolfe is among the list of nominees for the Literary Review's Bad Sex in Fiction Award 2012, having won the dubious accolade eight years ago. 

The organisers revealed that - despite a "flood of nominations" - JK Rowling's The Casual Vacancy did not make the grade.

The tongue-in-cheek award is designed to discourage badly-written sex scenes in modern novels.
This year's winner will be announced on 4 December.

The full shortlist is: The Yips by Nicola Barker, The Adventuress by Nicholas Coleridge, Infrared by Nancy Huston, Rare Earth by Paul Mason, Noughties by Ben Masters, The Quiddity of Will Self by Sam Mills, The Divine Comedy by Craig Raine and Back to Blood by Tom Wolfe.

Bonfire of the Vanities author Wolfe won the prize in 2004 for I Am Charlotte Simmons.

An excerpt from Wolfe's nominated Back to Blood reads: "Magdalena woke up in a hypnopompic state. Something was stroking her. It caused no alarm, however, just a semiconscious bewilderment amidst her struggle to turn her lights on."

Barker's Man Booker-longlisted novel The Yips contains the passage: "She smells of almonds, like a plump Bakewell pudding; and he is the spoon, the whipped cream, the helpless dollop of warm custard. 

"She steams. He applauds, his tongue hanging out (like a bloodhound espying a raw chop in a cartoon)."

In a reference to EL James's best-selling Fifty Shades erotic novels, The Literary Review said this year's shortlist came "in a year in which the country's obsession with mummy porn, red rooms of pain and Christian Grey has reached fever pitch".

"The judges considered at length the merits of JK Rowling's The Casual Vacancy," the Literary Review said, "but ultimately concluded that the book's sins were venal compared with the competition."

The purpose of the prize "is to draw attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it".

The prize does not cover "pornographic or expressly erotic literature".

Last year the award was won by David Guterson for Ed King. Previous winners include Norman Mailer, AA Gill and Melvyn Bragg.

Con’s sex-change surgery stopped

Convicted wife-killer Michelle Kosilek will have to wait a bit longer to learn if his taxpayer-funded sex-change surgery can commence.

Michelle Kosilek

The controversial procedure has been postponed, a federal judge ruled today, until the state’s appeal of the operation is decided. The Patrick administration appealed the surgery to the US Court of Appeals for the First Circuit.

U.S. District Court Judge Mark Wolf told Department of Correction lawyers today he is putting the brakes on the entire matter because once the surgery is over, there’s no going back if the appeals court rules in favor of the state.

Kosilek, formerly known as Robert Kosilek, is living as a woman at the all-male MCI-Norfolk state prison.
A Dec. 19 hearing was also set today in federal court in Boston to hear demands from Kosilek’s lawyers for $800,000-plus in legal fees.

Kosilek legally changed his name to Michelle two decades ago. He is serving life without the possibility of parole for the 1990 strangulation of his 36-year-old wife, Cheryl Kosilek. Hormone treatments have enabled him to develop breasts. He briefly received electrolysis treatments in 2008.

Wolf remarked in his September decision that Kosilek is “a man who truly believes that he is a female cruelly trapped in a male body.” He found the Department of Correction violated Kosilek’s Eighth Amendment right to be protected from cruel and unusual punishment.

Teen who posted about April Jones sex acts on Facebook spared jail

A teenager who used Facebook to claim he had carried out sexual acts on the body of missing Welsh schoolgirl April Jones has been spared jail. 

Missing five-year-old April Jones

Sam Busby, 18, told magistrates he was "looking for attention" when he made a string of sexually explicit comments about the five-year-old - who is now presumed murdered.

April went missing from outside her home in Machynlleth, Powys in Wales, on October 1 and despite a huge search, her body has never been found.

But call centre worker Busby put aed joke about the little girl on the social-networking site on October 6 - the day prime suspect Mark Bridger was charged with April's murder.

Worcester Magistrates Court heard the 18-year-old posted on his page: "All these April Jones jokes are getting old, unlike her."

When another user said "too soon", the teenager posted a comment about having sex with the youngster.
The teen pleaded guilty at an earlier hearing to using a public communication network to send a message that was grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character.

He was sentenced to six weeks in prison suspended for 18 months and ordered to pay £185 court costs.
Chairman of the bench Gill Porter said: "You will realise by the length of time we have taken how seriously we view this.

"You caused an immense amount of distress not only to the recipients of this but to April Jones' family and friends.

"It happened at a sensitive time for everybody concerned.

"You were warned by your friends but you took no notice and you continue to make further even more offensive comments.

"They were grossly offensive."

Busby, who appeared in court wearing a grey shirt with a poppy pinned to the front, was also ordered to do 200 hours of unpaid work and made subject to a 7pm-7am curfew for eight weeks.

Kerry Lovegrove (corr), prosecuting, told the court Busby was arrested after one Facebook user reported him to police because she was so sickened by his comments.

She said: "She felt so shocked and sickened that she reported the matter to the police.

"She states that she was distressed by the comments as she herself has two young girls.

"The defendant was later interviewed where he admitted posting the joke. He admitted that he had further put the offensive comments.

"He told police he was an immature teenager and it was an attempt to get attention."

The court heard Busby told officers he thought his page could only be viewed by friends but admitted a couple of comments had come from people he did not know.

Belinda Ariss (corr), defending, said: "He is 18-years-old.

"He lives with his mother, his stepfather and two brothers.

"They are at court today but he is so ashamed of what he has done he's asked them to stay outside the court room.

"His parents and brothers don't know what he posted on Facebook but they know it must be bad.

"When he posted the initial joke it was a joke he had found elsewhere on a joke website and momentarily he thought it was funny.

"He is extremely immature. Anybody with any sense of maturity would have left it at that. Stupidly he didn't, he continued the responses.

"He's extremely sorry, he's extremely ashamed. He can't believe the extra stress he would have caused the family of April Jones."

Busby had no previous convictions and works full time as an inbound sales advisor for Serco BPO.
But the court heard he may lose his job as a result of the conviction or because the curfew will restrict his ability to work shifts.

He also plays drums for local band Dakota Ruins and describes himself as a "full-time loser" on his Twitter page.

Busby, from St John's, Worcester, refused to comment outside court.

Do men prefer AVERAGE women?

Do men prefer AVERAGE women? Qualities women believe make them appealing - beauty, youth, confidence, intelligence - are NOT top of men's wish list, says relationship expert TRACEY COX
Tracey Cox is the UK's leading expert and author on sex and relationship issues. With an academic background in psychology, 14 books on sex, relationships and body language under her belt as well as a television career spanning decades, she is more than well equipped to answer your dilemmas.

In her exclusive weekly MailOnline blog Tracey will answer questions as well as offer advice and bring you the latest news and products. 

Men would rather a girl who made them feel secure and listened to them than the one all the other guys wanted to take away from him, Tracey discovered

TRACEY SAYS: I’m obsessed with Lena Dunham’s character Hannah in HBO’s Girls and, like the rest of the world, a lot of the fascination is with seeing a real girl up there on screen. 

Greasy hair, no make-up, general podginess, grubbiness, scruffiness - it sounds off-putting but it’s enchanting. 

Hannah is the antithesis of the glossy, glam, skinny girls we’re used to seeing in sit-coms - and she’s one hell of a lot more attractive because of it.There’s something incredibly appealing about flaws-and-all ‘average’ - and despite society’s perception that they are looks-obsessed, critical creatures, men agree.

They really do like average women best.

Study after study (this piece in Psychology Today has a good, general round up) shows while men pay lip service to being hung up on physical attractiveness, once they interact with a woman in real life, they’re far more swayed by personality than they profess to be.A speed dating experiment (reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) with 163 university students found ‘spark’ far outweighed looks for men and a subsequent study further confirmed feeling an emotional ‘connection’ won over ‘sexiness’.

I saw evidence first hand at a party last week.

I was with the new boyfriend of a friend of mine, watching her chatting away to friends, looking positively gorgeous.

“How hot is your girlfriend!” I said to him, taking in the slim hips, long thick hair, pert breasts, confident aura.

Antithesis of glam and glossy: Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath in the HBO show girls, in bed with her 'difficult' on-off lover Adam

She’s a kick-ass lawyer and workaholic but still manages to look amazing. I felt proud of her and sure he was feeling the same.

'I wish everyone would stop telling me how hot she is,' he responded heavily. 'I don’t want to be with the hottest girl in the room. It’s not me. I just wanted the nice girl.'

SEX BY NUMBERS
The average couple alternates between two or three positions, most settling on missionary, woman-on-top and him-from-behind
 

Further investigation (three more beers and a bit of prodding) and he confessed her ‘hotness’ made him feel insecure. 'I want someone to love me, not feel like every guy in the room is trying to take the person I love away from me.'Turns out the things women believe make them more appealing to men - good looks, youth, being super confident, intelligent, body perfect - aren’t top of men’s wish list after all.

Having an OK figure that’s curvy, looking ‘nice’, appearing kind, listening, being trustworthy, laughing at his jokes and letting him look after you - these are the qualities men most frequently seek in long-term partners.

All that striving, all that dieting, all that denying ourselves, when we could have been scoffing cupcakes in the bath, Hannah-style, all along. Chocolate anyone?

Sex blogger Alvin Tan told of university's disciplinary actions

Sex blogger Alvin Tan arriving for the displinary inquiry at NUS on Oct 31, 2012. The National University of Singapore has decided on the disciplinary actions to be taken against law scholar Alvin Tan Jye Yee, 24, who stirred controversy for posting sexually explicit photos and videos of himself and his girlfriend on his private blog. 

 

The National University of Singapore has decided on the disciplinary actions to be taken against law scholar Alvin Tan Jye Yee, 24, who stirred controversy for posting sexually explicit photos and videos of himself and his girlfriend on his private blog.

An NUS spokesman said in its statement that the university's board of discipline had concluded that Mr Tan's "inappropriate conduct was detrimental to the reputation and dignity of the university".

The university has informed Mr Tan of the board's decision. Matters relating to the school's disciplinary proceedings are confidential, said its spokesman.

Mr Tan met the university's disciplinary inquiry board on Oct 31. The Malaysian told the media after the meeting that he had apologised "for bringing disrepute to the school", though he maintained that he had created the sex blog during "his own personal time as a private individual and not an NUS student.

Voters approve same-sex marriage for the first time

(CNN) -- In a historic turnaround, the ballot box is showing America's shifting attitudes about same-sex marriage. After gay marriage rights died at the polls dozens of times in the past, on Tuesday they passed in at least two states.

Rarely do popular votes reflect such dramatic social changes.

The result: Maryland and Maine will now allow couples like Cyrino Patane and James Trinidad to tie the knot.

The Maryland couple has been together for seven years, and now, after the historic vote, they plan to marry in the next six months to a year.

"Both families will be at the wedding," Patane said.

But the win was hard fought and the margin of victory was small.

"We've lost at the ballot box 32 times," said Paul Guequierre of Human Rights Campaign. "History was made tonight."

In Maine, Erica Tobey and Ali Ouellette wed in September, but only now will the women's marriage be recognized under Maine law.

"It's hard to overstate the national significance of this vote," Marc Solomon, campaign director at Freedom to Marry, said of the Maine referendum.

In Maryland, where just 51.9% of voters approved gay marriage rights, "It was a little bit pins and needles," said Human Rights Campaign's Kevin Nix. "It was going to be a close call all along."

A similar ballot measure in Washington state is pending. And in Minnesota, voters rejected a measure that would have banned same-sex marriage.

Pollsters got a hint of the coming change. Recent national surveys have shown shifting attitudes toward same-sex marriage, with a majority of Americans now approving of marriages between two men or two women.

A CNN/ORC poll in June found that a majority of Americans support marriage rights for gays and lesbians, reflecting the shift in public opinion.

The number of Americans who say they have a close friend or family member who is gay or lesbian, meanwhile, has jumped from 49% in 2010 to 60% today, the first time in CNN polling that a majority of Americans have said that. In the 1990s, most Americans said they did not know anyone close to them who was gay.

Election Day brought two additional gains for proponents of same-sex marriage: Wisconsin elected America's first openly lesbian Senator, Democrat Tammy Baldwin, and President Obama became the first president to openly support same-sex marriage and get re-elected.

"I have never been this happy after an election in my 17 years of voting," said Derek Hurder from Hampden, Maine, who has been with his partner, Chris McLaughlin, for a year and a half.

They are not yet ready for marriage, but they were elated about having the option. And they both voted to re-elect the president.

The change in attitude makes them feel more comfortable, but that has its limits. "I wouldn't feel safe walking down the street holding hands," Hurder said.

Patane and Trinidad share their Catholic faith and are despondent that the church will not recognize their union.

"I believe in a religious marriage," Trinidad said. "I recognize that it's going to be a nonreligious wedding."

Tobey and Ouellette, who met four years ago, tied the knot in a church in September.

"We are affiliated with the United Methodist Church, which on a whole does not support same-sex marriage," Tobey said. But their church made a hearty exception. "We had three pastors who know us and love us and agreed to do that for us."

The legal situation led the couple to do things in reverse order. After wedding and applying for a name change, now that the referendum has passed, they will apply for a marriage license last.

Maine should begin granting marriage licenses to same-sex couples in mid-December, according to same-sex marriage supporters at Freedom to Marry.

The two ballots that passed, called "Question 1" in Maine and "Question 6" in Maryland, contain similar language.

The words man and woman "relating to the marital relationship or familial relationships must be construed to be gender-neutral for all purposes," the Maine measure says. "Civil marriage laws allow gay and lesbian couples to obtain a civil marriage license," reads Maryland's.

Both measures also explicitly mention the right of clergy to refuse to wed gay and lesbian couples if it goes against their religious convictions.

"This chapter does not require any member of the clergy to perform or any church, religious denomination or other religious institution to host any marriage in violation of the religious beliefs of that member of the clergy, church, religious denomination or other religious institution," Maine's Question 1 states.

The governments of Maine and Maryland had passed laws permitting same-sex marriage, but activists opposed to the laws collected enough signatures to put them on a ballot, said Fred Sainz, a spokesman for Human Rights Campaign, which raised $32 million for its campaigns on the referendums that included radio and television ads, social media strategy and on-the-ground canvassing by thousands of volunteers.

Opponents of same-sex marriage in both states say that the new laws will redefine marriage for everyone as a genderless union and endanger the fabric of society.

"Such a radical change in the definition of marriage will produce a host of societal conflicts that government -- exercising its enormous enforcement powers -- will have to resolve," argues Maryland Marriage Alliance.

The group also published an opinion by parents on its home page stating that legalizing same-sex marriage would lead to the promotion of homosexuality in school curriculum.

Sainz believes the campaigns for passage of the measure paid off. A similar referendum in Maine failed in 2009, when voters rejected their governor's decision to allow same-sex marriage. Tuesday's results represent a turnaround.

"The secret to our success is that we won over hearts and minds," Sainz said. "Americans are fair and want to see their gay and lesbian friends, co-workers and family members have the freedom to marry."

Thirty-eight states have passed bans on marriages between people of the same gender, mostly by amending their constitutions to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

In the six states -- Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire and New York -- and the District of Columbia where gays and lesbians have previously won marriage rights, it was because of actions taken by judges or legislators, not voters.

Tobey wasn't expecting Maine's ballot to pass, as she watched election results come in with friends on Election Night. Then they heard the news.

"I said: 'Hey, did that just happen?' "

She did a double take.