Helen Hunt is generating serious Oscar buzz for her role as a sex surrogate in the new film, The Sessions. Just what is a sex surrogate, you ask? Hint: it's not a lady who carries other people's babies. They're therapists who help heal sexual dysfunction—by having sex with patients. And they're real! From 1980 to 1992, Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., now a professor of sexuality at California State-Fullerton and author of Sexual Healing, lived the movie's plot line.
As a former sex surrogate, how realistic is The Sessions?
It really took me back because I worked with people, at least one guy, who was in worse shape than the patient in the movie (who has polio.) My patient (let’s call him Andre) had a very severe case of cerebral palsy. Initially his mom came to us when he was in his late 20s. He’d been put in a home at a young age but he was very smart and went on to graduate from college. Like the character in The Sessions, Andre never had an opportunity to lost his virginity. Andre couldn’t talk; he could only sort of growl. He couldn’t couldn’t shut his mouth so he would kinda drool. He only had the voluntary use of one arm; the rest of his limbs were spasming all the time. I would have to grab his one usable hand and hold it still and rub it all over me.
So, did you help Andre?
Oh yes. Cerebral palsy is a problem with your muscles. Because your penis doesn’t have any muscles, his penis was totally normal. He had no problems with becoming hard and we accomplished losing his virginity pretty quickly. Instead, the focus was me just moving him into different positions. I literally had to psychologically brace myself to work with him and then afterward I’d just sit there and go, “My God, it was not easy.”
What motivated you to do this?
What was going through my mind was, “I’m getting paid for this!” It is a job, okay? There’s something in my personality where I don’t get grossed out with things. And I wonder, “Hmm, what can this person do?” It’s about the sexual bill of rights. Everyone has the right to have sex.
What other issues did your patients face?
There were people who never learned to have sex. Some were very old or super fat. Some had ALS, MS, paralysis. My mom told me I was the Mother Theresa of sex! I don’t recall ever telling a client “no.” The most common sexual dysfunction of men in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s is premature ejaculation. When you never have any experience, you can’t control that reflex. Patients in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, it’s about erection. There was also sexual aversion disorder, a phobia about sex due to anxiety or depression.
So, uh, how do you treat these issues specifically?
For premature ejaculation, I taught a process called peaking. You set up a scale of from one, which is no arousal, to 10, which would be releasing the hounds. I would stimulate him by hand and he’d tell me when he’d feel even a two, and I’d stop. It’s training someone to allow their arousal to have peak-like patterns. With the more psychological patients, it’s relaxation exercises—breathing techniques, muscle relaxation. We didn’t always have sex.
Was it ever pleasurable for you?
Being with somebody with a physical challenge, I have their best interest at heart. I’m not thinking about having an orgasm. But if you take a client who is good-looking and personable and might have, say, an ejaculatory issue... once I get ‘em trained, yes! Oh yes.
How lucrative was sex surrogacy?
I charged the same hourly rate as a therapist—$80 back then and I’d think the rate would be $150 now. I was going to school in a doctorate program the whole time, seeing maybe 20 clients a week, so, yeah, I was doing well. I didn’t want to have to go through a student poverty situation. Now, since the movie came out, I know some surrogates are doing package deals. But Viagra has cut into the business quite a bit! And even though everyone gets tested, patients and therapists, HIV is a concern.
If you’re being paid for sex, isn’t that prostitution?
Prostitutes have the attitude of get in, get out, get off, and pay me. We’re coaching and teaching. We want patients to feel like they’re now confident to go out and get intercourse on their own. As Helen Hunt's character in The Sessions said, “I don’t want your return business! This is a fixed time relationship.”
What does it feel like to sexually “cure” someone?
There is a sense of reward. Big time. I would say to critics—think about how you would feel if you were in their position.Where else is he going to go? Who else would do this?
What do you guys think about sex surrogates?
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